So, I'm an asshole.  I just think we should get that out into the open.  I am so wary of my relatives and take perverse pleasure in the fact that I am adopted.  I love knowing that I'm not actually related to any of these people.  Asshole, right?  I don't care.  Their off-putting, the lot of them.  Critical, controlling, opinionated (which, incidently, is something I admire in myself), difficult.  I don't try very hard to keep in touch with them, my parents included.  I don't enjoy being scrutinized, especially by people that don't know me as well as they think they do.  With all that being said, though, I wonder just how much bad press they deserve.  How much of it is warranted by their actions and how much to I contribute by constantly being suspicious of them?  I realize my part in this is not a small one.  Case in point, my aunt called me last night.  It should be noted that she is my favorite relative, ranked even higher than my parents.  But, when my cell chirped and identified her as the caller, I dropped it on the table and waited for it to signal a voice message.  Any non-asshole would have answered it.  Being suspicious and instantly wary, it was about thirty minutes before I worked up the courage to listen to the message.  I was relieved to hear that it wasn't another nasty one, just a friendly request for me to call her back.  She even tacked on a "honey" at the end of it.  As soon as I determined I was free and clear, I immediately rang her back.  She only wanted to go over the seating for my cousin's wedding Saturday.  She gave me and Cam the seats of honor.  Second row with my grandmother.  At the reception she seated us with my other cousin because she knows we really like each other.  Honestly, up until I talked to my aunt I hadn't been planning on attending the reception.  I was just going to go to the wedding ceremony and be done with it.  Asshole, you say?  Yes, that's me. 

I bought Cam a $300.00 Calvin Klein suit for the wedding.  I was impressed that he picked it out by himself and paid as much as he could on it before he called me.  It's funny because I was going to buy this same suit for him for Christmas.  I have a feeling this is what he'll be wearing to our handfasting next year.  If he's willing to put in such an effort to look good for my cousin's wedding (he detests suits and family gatherings), than surely I can follow his example and be equally charming. 

My aunt seems to have dropped the grudge she's been harboring against me.  Perhaps now I can stop being the self appointed Asshole in the Family!

I just got back from my first Pagan Pride Day and it was an amazing experience!  This year, the southeast chapter was held about an hour from where I live, in Lakeville, Massachusetts.  It rained continuously, but that didn't stop about two hundred people from joining in the festivities.  Vendors set up under tents and sold things like handmade soap, jewelry, candles, herbs, crystals, robes, handcrafted altars, wands and other magickal items.  I saw Andrea, the former owner of Green Goddess.  I haven't really seen her since her store closed a year ago, but she looked good and seemed to be happy.  She will be officiating at my handfasting ceremony (next year?).  She is an Ordained Minister, so the ceremony will be legally binding, something Cam insisted on.  Even though he isn't pagan, I am glad he is supporting my desire to have a Wiccan wedding.  I also saw G.  He gave me a big hug.  His store was a sponsor of the festival, so I hope a lot of people will travel to Plymouth to check out his awesome store (I will be writing a separate entry about the conversation I had with him last week).  Celtic Cricket was there and remembered me from all of the times of been in his store.  He had stuff from the Silver Willow and I purchased an Eye of Horus pendant.  The owner of my local witch shop came over and hugged me, which was really cool, and her reader, Diana, did the same.  It was nice to see so many people that I knew and to really relish the feelings of friendship I have forged with these guys over the years. 

Michelle's coven, MoonTide, directed the Open Circle this year.  Since it was my first public ritual, I had know idea what to expect, but it was everything I thought it would be and more.  The coven made a Mabon altar and had pumpkins, grains, corn, leaves and crows (not real ones, of course) decorating it.  Everyone formed a circle around it and then the members of MoonTide called the quarters.  I have only called the quarters in my bedroom during rituals, so to see it done for real was pretty awesome.  A member of the coven, a beautiful raven-haired woman in her forties, read about the meaning of Mabon and what its significance is on the Wheel of Life.  Next, we all joined hands and  under Michelle's direction, began a spiral dance.  Faster and faster we danced around the altar.  I was holding hands with Kariko and another woman, whose name was Tracy.  She was concerned for my ankle and kept making sure I was okay.  After a few circles around, when we were moving at a pretty good pace, others dancing near me kept leaning back to make sure I wasn't in pain.  To see two hundred people spiral dancing is a beautiful sight.  Everyone was laughing with giddiness from the energy being raised.  After the dance was done, MoonTide continued with the ritual, which included the Maiden, Mother, and Crone carrying the straw God around the circle.  Then, it was laid upon the altar and the three women each said a small part about what they would give the God for his sacrifice.  Next, we all partook of libations of cookies and apple juice and made sure to offer a bit to Mother by pouring some on the ground.  We all dismissed the quarters and the ritual ended.  Afterward, the raven-haired woman gave me a big hug for participating with a broken ankle.  Somehow, Michelle found out that it was my first public Circle and also came over to hug me.  I introduced her to Kariko, who got a big hug, too. 

I have often read that Pagans view other members of their community as their "brothers and sisters." I have read those words in hundreds of different periodicals and books, but had never stopped to contemplate those words before.  Today, as I was dancing around the circle and looking at the smiling faces moving past me, I was reminded of those words.  These people really were my "brothers and sisters."  I think I finally understand what all of those authors were talking about.  This was an unbelievably moving experience for me and one I am sure I won't ever forget.

Just an aside here (for myself, really).  I had an astrology reading while I was at the festival and she pegged me for a Scorpio.  She is the third psychic to do this, though I'm technically a Sag.  She believes I was most likely born before noon on my birthday, which influences more strongly, the aspects of Scorpio.  She told me that my mission is to write and that many people will be helped by my writings.  She told me she sees me being published next year.  I hadn't said anything to her about wanting to be a writer, so I believe she was really "seeing" this in my future.  This has reawakened my desire to learn astrology.